I've been in a state of disbelief since Saturday, thinking about how I'll be in Paris at this time next week, done with Nantes. There are so many loose ends. So much more to be done.
I have been tossing around a couple of ideas during these last weeks, including returning for summer project '10, STINTing and other ministry ideas.
As somebody I was talking to on Friday said, "when (French people) say Bretagne (the province Nantes is in) they say rain. It's the same word." And when it rains, it pours. People aren't out and aren't willing to talk. It's not just when it rains. Sometimes, people are apathetic to anything outside of themselves and their own situations. They just don't think about life and don't care about truth. Sometimes, I just want to slam my head (or theirs) on the table.
But for every frustration I have here, I have a conversation, a meal or a rendez-vous with somebody that makes it all worthwhile. It gets to the point where during lunch or a soccer game, I realize that I could hang out with these people and really build into them if I was here for a longer time. There are so many people here who want to know, who have questions and nowhere to take them, who are too afraid to bring up tough questions to friends or family, who know their desperation and brokenness but have no answers. You can see it in them when they talk. You can see the ways the Lord has softened their hearts.
When you see it, you can't help but take the posture that Isaiah assumes in Isaiah 6. "Here am I Lord. Send me into the intellectual fog of doubt and despair in France. Send me to the untouched cities and unrepentent hearts."
It will take months of prayer and conversation with others, but my heart for ministry has grown in the past six weeks. I can't believe that the Lord could possibly use me to further His kingdom. This is going to take some time.
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